Its 11 pm .. sitting at balcony , feeling cold , wishing to drink a cup of coffee but its too late , wish to smoke buts its unhealthy !
wearing headphones and listening to sad music and i know it wont solve anything just ruining mood …
trying to dance or paint but i found myself writing ..
i like to dance but i remember that painting was the best thing i loved to do .. now i want to be a dancer ..contemporary dance
But still .. i cant even make a sound
Is it cold ? or sadness .. i’m trembling but i know its not cold
actually i have no mood to write .. someone is killing me right now .. next to me screaming and complaining .. waiting for answers and i dont know whats happening .. words and thoughts are flying and i cant catch them , i feel lost
i feel weak but people say im strong .. also when i feel strong they say im weak
I dont know whats going on .. people and past are following me everywhere .. everytime
I always escape from my past
from those people who made me hate love , family , trust and safety
while they should give me all of that .. i dont know if i really hate them or just hurt
im wondering if i met them one day .. can i forgive them or no .. cani just forget about past …!
i cant .. i feel that i cant even listen to their names
i feel sick and trembling and just scream ..
so is it fear ? weakness ?
then im not strong enough to face them
tears are falling so hard but im trying my best to keep them
im freezing right now .. so what is it??
you always want to be a happy and possitive person but this thing always following you ..
you cant stop living your life and be sad
but the problem isnt sadness
the problem is that you dont know what do you feel … i dont know too ..